Holding Space: The Art of Grace in Relationships.

If there’s something that stirs the deepest parts of me, it’s the complexity and beauty of human relationships. Over the years, I’ve walked a path that has led to immense growth in this area of my life—especially in understanding friendship. When I look back, I see how I’ve evolved from being deeply conflict-averse to someone who has learned to hold space for the complexities that naturally arise in relationships.

I used to fear conflict so much. Even now, I shy away from it. The idea of tension between people—of misunderstandings, or even being perceived wrongly—used to send my heart racing and churn my stomach. I wanted peace at all costs. But I’ve come to see that differences happen, and more often than not, they stem from two things: expectations and perspective.

Let’s start with expectations. We all have them. And truthfully, I believe that to have expectations is to be human. It’s natural. But there’s something so profound in the words, “expectations uncommunicated are premeditated resentment.” It’s as though by not expressing what we want or need, we create a silent storm that’s just waiting to erupt. This is where so much of my past relational tension came from—unspoken expectations, assumptions, and misunderstandings.

I used to believe that because certain things came naturally to me, others should just know. I thought, “If I can do this for them, they should be able to do it for me, without me having to ask.” And in that belief, I found myself waiting—waiting for people to mess up. It wasn’t conscious, but it was there, this subtle expectation that others should just know what I needed. When they didn’t, I felt hurt, like I didn’t matter to them. But that was such a lie, one that only served to create distance between me and the people I cared about.

As I’ve grown, I’ve realized how damaging that mindset can be. Watching and waiting for others to fall short is an act of cowardice, really. It’s easier to silently judge than it is to open your heart and communicate honestly. But there’s no love in that. There’s no growth. All it does is build walls—walls that turn into hurt and resentment over time.

True relationships aren’t about holding scorecards, tracking each mistake or failure. They’re about walking side by side, navigating life’s ups and downs together. It’s about becoming the kind of person who isn’t waiting to catch someone out but is actively looking for ways to lift them up. When you invest in others, when you choose to be a source of encouragement rather than criticism, you create a space where people feel safe—where they feel seen and valued.

Life isn’t a test of one another’s worth. It’s a journey we take together, through the highs and the lows. And the beauty of that journey lies in how we support one another, not by measuring each other’s success or failures, but by fostering understanding, forgiveness, and trust. That’s where real relationships thrive. It’s in the moments when people know they’re not being scrutinised for their every move but are being held with grace, through every challenge.

That brings me to perspective. My husband introduced me to the concept of unconditional positive regard, and it has shaped the way I view relationships. It’s about holding space for people, believing in their good intentions, even when things are messy or unclear. I had a powerful reminder of this recently with my dear friend Adetoun. She was planning a friendship conference, and life was chaotic for me at the time. I had so much going on that I wasn’t in touch with her as much as usual. But I still wanted to surprise her by showing up at her event in Lagos.

When I finally got to Lagos, she told me something that really touched me. She said, “I knew something was up when I didn’t hear from you. I just figured maybe you were trying to surprise me.” Her perspective was a gift to me in that moment. I hadn’t been in touch because I was overwhelmed with life, not because I was planning a surprise. But her ability to view the situation with grace, to give me the benefit of the doubt, reminded me of how powerful perspective can be in preserving relationships.

It’s so easy to jump to conclusions, to assume the worst when communication falters. But when we hold space for the possibility that there’s more to the story, we open the door for deeper connection. Adetoun’s perspective was a reminder to me of how crucial it is to approach relationships with kindness and understanding—to not be quick to assume the worst, but to trust that those we care about are doing their best.

The truth is, relationships are a living, breathing thing. They’re not perfect, and they’re certainly not without their challenges. But when we choose to lean in—to communicate our expectations, to extend grace, and to hold perspective—we create a space where love and connection can thrive. It’s not about avoiding conflict or misunderstanding; it’s about how we navigate them. It’s about showing up for the people in our lives not with judgment, but with a heart willing to support, uplift, and trust.

At the end of the day, we all want the same thing: to be seen, to be valued, to be understood. And when we offer that to the people around us, we foster relationships that are resilient and full of life—relationships that aren’t built on fear of failure, but on a foundation of love and grace.

What is giving me joy at the moment:

The mercy of God. I have no other words to describe it other than the mercy of God. I  enjoyed one last burst of holiday, creating core memories with my family before work resumed and let me use the Gen z term “it healed my inner child 😂”

Of which pray for me oh this microlocs journey is giving me a headache my seniors said patience but I don’t like looking rough because of this short phase so I am about to fall for the temptation of covering it up till it grows I need prayers 😂

Podcasts that I have enjoyed:

Have a beautiful week

Stay wholehearted.

I am rooting for you 🌸

Dee💛

P.S I am switching posting to Sunday evenings as it just works better for me in this season.